Magic buys the Dodgers! Apologizes for “The Magic Hour”! (3/28/12)
It’s your March Twenty-Eighth Davey Mac Sports Report and Magic Johnson and a few other guys who may or may not have AIDS just bought the L.A. Dodgers. I, for one, hope that Magic kisses the owners of opposing teams before each game the way he did with Isiah Thomas…which…let’s face it…was weird. I mean, can you imagine if Jackie Robinson and Phil Rizzuto made out before each game? People would have called the cops for a plethora of reasons. Oh, look! It’s the beginning of the Masters…and there is Jack Nicklaus ceremoniously sucking off Arnold Palmer!! Hey, it’s time for the great Ohio State – Michigan game, and check out Woody Hayes fucking Bo Schembechler in the ass on the fifty-yard-line!!! Way to go, Magic!!!
On this day in Sports History, Robert Irsay stole Baltimore’s beloved Colts and moved them to Indianapolis in the middle of the night. What a drunken dick-bag this fucking Irsay was. The team that gave us Johnny Fucking Unitas was suddenly gone without a trace. And his shmizbo son isn’t much better, kicking Peyton Manning (AKA The Guy Who Single-handedly BUILT The Fucking Team) out the God-Damn door. The Irsays are are like the Tattaglia’s of the NFL- a bunch of fucking pimps. Hopefully Sonny shoots Bruno through the fucking eye and–
–What? They shot Sonny??? On the causeway?!?! Oh a-nooooooo’s!! My a-Sonny!! Abagalachigoo!!! Well, let me a-tell you something!! I’ve made arrangements to bring my son Michael back to this country. But I’m a superstitious man…and if some unlucky accident should befall him…if he should get shot in the head by a police officer…or if should hang himself in his jail cell…or if he’s struck by a bolt of lightening, then I’m going to blame some of the people in this room, and that I do not forgive. Oh, and to the Irsay Family— FUCK YOU!!!!
A sad story has emerged that Dennis Rodman is broke and can’t afford to pay child support. Wait, you mean hard-drinking, money-spending, impulsive-acting Dennis Rodman has no cash left in his bank account???? Gee, what a fucking surprise!!! In related shocking news, it’s being reported that dogs don’t like cats, wizards aren’t real, and my dick has spots on it and leaks!!!! More developments soon to come!!!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Ichiro who got four hits in today’s Opening Day of regular season baseball. The Mariners went on to win over the A’s- 3 to 1. The winner of the DMPD goes not get a $100 gift certificate to a fine steak house, but does get photos of this journalist shitting in a hat.
See ya tonight on Ustream for the Davey Mac Sports Program!! LIVE at 7 PM (EST)!! Peace, dogsies!!
-Dave (3/28/12)
