It’s your June Twenty-Sixth Davey Mac Report and, oh daddy, it’s a bad day for Aaron Hernandez. The New England Patriots’ tight end has been arrested in connection with a man who was killed near (or in) his home last week. Then, about an hour and a half later, Hernandez was released by the Patriots (via Twitter) because, let’s be honest, it’s tough to have a convicted murderer on your team’s roster. Not that Hernandez has been convicted of anything yet…but damn, this shit looks bad. All the surveillance footage in Hernandez’s house was destroyed. His phone...
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It’s your June Twenty-First Davey Mac Report and the Miami Heat are once again NBA champions. Let’s get that coke, Miami!! Let’s hit that fuckin’ kibble, dawg!! Let’s snort some animal blood and fuck some corpses!! Because a classic, 7-game series was won by LeBron James and company!!
Somewhere Jimmy Buffet is drinking tequila out of the skull of a dead parrot!!
Somewhere Don Johnson is lighting his own ass on fire!!
Somewhere Gloria Eseteban and the Sound Machine are all giving each other hand-jobs!!
Miami is the King of the World!!
Meanwhile, I’m...
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It’s your June Twentieth Davey Mac Report, ladies and gentlemen, and in a few moments, we have ourselves a Game 7. And that’s fucking awesome. Truly. As a sports fan, my dick throbs a little when I hear “Game Seven.” It also throbs when I hear the following:
* Titties
* Free Slurpee Day
* Millennium Falcon
* Liberace
* Puppets
* Cute Animals
* Optimus Prime
* Fart Time
I seriously cannot wait for this game to begin. If I had a time machine, I’d get in it and zip myself to ten minutes from now which would bring me to…Jimmy...
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Thank you, dogsies, for coming out!! And to those who didn’t, go screw a duck!!! Just kidding. That would not only be inappropriate but it would be downright silly. Ducks aren’t for fucking. That’s what my great-uncle Bill told me shortly before he jumped in front of a bus. Anyway, here are some pics. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go have sex with a pigeon. Uncle Bill never said shit about not humping those cute little fuckers.
Dave and Roy being weird
Dave and Tracy Morgan
Dave and Roy Shaffer on stage
Dave pointing...
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It’s your June Thirteenth Davey Mac Report and we have only a few words to say today because we are sick with the shits. If LeBron James doesn’t stop playing like a pussy and turn it up in Game 4, then not only is this series over, but his fucking legacy will be worse than O.J. Simpson post-Naked Gun 2 and a half and that other little incident that O.J. is famous for. I think it’s those bad car rental commercials. Thus far in the NBA Finals, LeBron James (and I’m going to say this very articulately and poignantly) has sucked elephant dicks. He won’t take any three-pointers,...
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Yes!! It’s your June Fifth Davey Mac Report and Alex Rodriguez and 19 other Major League-rs are in a world of pain, homie. The former MVP, along with Ryan Braun, Nelson Cruz, and a whole slew of other shit-heads are looking at huge suspensions in connection with (what else) performance-enhancing drugs. We’re looking at one whopper of a scandal here, people. An absolutely piss-drinking, fart-sucking (this is kind of getting sexy) whopper of a drug scandal. Let’s face it…A-Rod is done. His once glorious career has now been reduced to a giant puddle of spittle and jizz...
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It’s a very special May First Davey Mac Report and we here at EastSideDaveCountry shall congratulate our friend, Sean O, who today is having his third baby boy!! His dick must REALLY be hurting by now!!
Just shitting. Sean O and his wonderful wife are going into labor today! As a result, we will not be having our episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) this week due to babies and whatnot!! We WILL be live on Sirius XM Satellite Radio this Saturday, however, sucking and fucking the night away!!
It seems like just yesterday that I myself had two kids...
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It’s your April Twenty-Third Davey Mac Report and Chris Paul has decided that this first round series between his L.A. Clippers and the Memphis Grizzlies is HIS series, daddy…and he’s gonna give it a spanking. A nice, hard spanking that will sting for days and leave red marks all over its ass and, by God, I just realized I have NO fucking idea what the hell I’m talking about. This is why I should not mix NyQuil and DayQuil with vodka in the morning. Anyway, CP3 hit a game-winning buzzer-beater to give the Clippers the win in Game 2 of their series with Memphis, 93 to 91. ...
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It's your April Twenty-Second Davey Mac Report and one-half of the Boston bombing asshole brothers, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, has been captured by authorities and charged in federal court with conspiring to use a weapon of mass destruction (the other half, Dzhokhar's older brother Tamerlan, was shot and killed by police). My hat is off to the Boston police and the FBI for taking these two dick-noses down. This act of terror was shocking, disgusting, and evil and I'd personally sign up to be the "Bad Cop" in any kind of "Good Cop/Bad Cop" interrogation routine that may take...
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It's your April Seventeenth Davey Mac Report and the sports world has lost one of its greatest voices. Pat Summerall has died at the age of 82. Summerall was most known as being one half of the greatest football (and possibly sports, in general) broadcasting teams in Summerall & (John) Madden. When I think of Pat Summerall, I think of being a kid, watching football on a late Sunday afternoon, heading into Sunday evening, with a pot roast and mashed potatoes cooking in the background. I think of older relatives yelling at the TV at some crazy play that just happened between...
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