A source close to Santa gave Homerism a look at the Christmas lists submitted by some of the college football world’s luminaries. The highlights:
The Media: Sources a Little Closer to the Situation
The Fourth Estate has received more than its fair share of black eyes in the last couple weeks as the coaching carousel continues to spin. Reporters these days have an awfully strange notion of what “done deal” means.
Bob Stoops: Another Year of Ryan Broyles
OU’s head coach would never admit it, but you know he’s hoping like hell No. 85 will be back in Norman next season. That offense could be monstrous without Broyles; it will be unstoppable with him.
T. Boone Pickens: Mike Leach Calling Plays in Stillwater
The World’s Most Interesting Booster went out and got Leachite last offseason to coordinate his offense. Now, it sounds like he’s chasing the real deal.
(Stay foreign oil independent, my friends.)
Mike Leach: A Job, Any Job
The Dread Pirate’s agent must love hearing his client tell anyone who will listen how badly he wants another head coaching job. Apparently negotiation is a skill you don’t learn when you’re out sailing the high seas.
Mack Brown: Anyone Who’s Ever Coached at Florida
Will Muschamp is now the head Gator, so maybe Mack thinks he can show everyone he’s still the man by raiding the staff that used to work for Coach Boom’s new employer? That’ll show ‘em.
Jake Locker: Muzzle for Todd McShay
McShay is just the most visible of all the draftniks drooling over Locker’s “measurables.” When Locker goes down as an enormous NFL bust, he’ll have McShay and his ilk to blame for riding his jock for the last two seasons.
Jimbo Fisher: Outback Steakhouse Gift Card
Doesn’t “Jimbo Fisher” sound like the name of the most regular of regulars at the Tallahassee satellite of America’s favorite steakhouse? You know – the one with his butt imprint on his favorite stool at the bar. That’s a lot of Bloomin’ Onion.
If the Seminoles break out “no rules, just right” as a team slogan one year, don’t be shocked.
Turner Gill: For Everyone to Stop Using His Name and “Gene Chizik” Together in the Same Sentence
Chizik is playing for the national championship next month. Gill’s team played like a hot mess this year. Makes Auburn’s pick look pretty smart. Nevermind that Gill is trying to salve the wreckage of the Good Ship Mangino.
Ohio State Buckeyes: Laser Tattoo Removal
That whole “tattoos-for-autographs” thing falls apart without the ink, no? Easy fix.
Cam Newton: World Peace
Speaking of Newton, what doesn’t this guy have? A Heisman Trophy, an undefeated season, an SEC championship, the hook-up for life on the Plains, a get out of jail free card from the NCAA. He’s going to have (more) bucketloads of cash come the spring, as well as a national championship.
Must figure it’s time to share a little love with the rest of us.