FeralBlog

alligator bark, originally uploaded by feralboy.

tree graffiti, originally uploaded by feralboy.

A big wet kiss to anyone who gets the obscure pop culture reference in the title. The Feral Marketing Department is excluded because it would be way too easy.

I just ran down to my local groceria (that’s Spanish for grocery store, if you’re a gringo), to pay too much for a chai at the newly-opened in-store Star-bucks. For whatever reason this particular Starbucks location is run by what must be absolute morons, as they have on more than one occasion had just one person there to do everything; take orders, get money, make change, make order, correct you when you say “large” (“oh, a venti!” (as if “large” is some sort of exotic word from a foreign language which has made it into the English lexicon, such as “hors d’oeuvres”, or “sphincter”)). But I digress.

While my skim milk was steaming I headed over to the bakery section of the store itself, with nothing but a Boston Creme donut on my mind. At first I didn’t see them. Then I saw what I could have sworn was a Boston, but it was a Danish cleverly hidden under a layer of chocolate frosting. Grrr. No Boston Cremes to be had. Ok, no problem. They have éclairs. I grabbed one, swung by to get my drink, paid my $.45 for my baked good and left.

Back at my desk, database update script chugging along, and time to take a bite out of my breakfast. First bite, no creme. Ok, fine. They must have injected it in the other end. Second bite. Hmm… something is wrong here. Perhaps I should have noticed then how decidedly light my éclair was. I get about halfway in and come to the sad realization that this morning, there will be no creme. Now, what sick bastard would go around making a donut-like pastry that looks like an elongated Boston Creme but is only a hollow shell of what a real donut should be?

Here’s the conversation I immediately had with the Feral Marketing Department:

[08:03:08] FMD: who makes an éclair without cream?
[08:03:12] FMD: commies, that’s who.
[08:03:22] Matt: filthy reds
[08:03:29] FMD: ferreals
[08:03:34] Matt: of course there were no boston creme donuts
[08:03:39] Matt: those were the first choice
[08:03:59] FMD: fucking donut nazis.
[08:04:08] Matt: “no creme for you!”
[08:04:21] Matt: i’m not gonna even eat the last third
[08:04:25] Matt: that’s my political protest
[08:04:30] Matt: in fact, i just may blog about it.
[08:04:38] FMD: you should
[08:04:45] FMD: that’s why you have a blog, after all.

Amen, brother. Amen.

feral munch, originally uploaded by feralboy.

Once again, Pat comes up big. Sourced from here.

Ready for home improvements, originally uploaded by feralboy.

Sadly, the FeralMarketing department’s ROI has been less than expected, so I’ve been forced to take a second job in order to cover hosting costs.

Thanks, Pat! Thanks for nothing!

Boss,

Umm, we had some problems with communications from here at the head
office out to the satellite office in Athens. As you know, I thought
the Olympics would be a very opportune time to increase traffic to the
site, but what with the budget cuts to support your poker habit, we
had to sub contract the work off shore. Consequently, there was
apparently a bit of a miscommunication. I told them I wanted Desmond
Tutu to show up as a goodwill ambassador of sorts for feralboy. As you
can see, they did at least get the tutu part right. But hey – any
press is good press, right?

We’ll try to avoid these mistakes in the future.

Sincerely,
Feral Marketing

Now you see why she was sticking her tongue out; she was looped!

I figured I should do some adventuring before I head out west, right?

Based on this story.

_Thanks to Pat for scoring two awesome Photoshops in a row!_