A Fitting Change

To say that CrossFit transformed my life is probably the understatement of the year, so when Helene and Annie asked me if I would share my story, I immediately thought about all of you who are truly a daily inspiration to me and I knew that I wanted to write this story as a thank you for all of your sweet words and positive feedback.

When I started CrossFit, I was pretty much at my lowest point.  Ever.  Recently one of my friends asked me what finally made me do it (take fitness seriously). The answer was simple. I just couldn’t go on being completely miserable anymore. As most people know, having body image issues can be painful on many levels.  Even though I have traveled the world, have had a solid network of family and friends, live in one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been, and will finish my Ph.D. (in Latin American literature and cultural geography) in May, none of this mattered because I never felt good about myself.

I came to CrossFit as a last ditch effort. I figured nothing could get worse than it already was. After extensive contemplation, I realized that I just wasn’t ready to resolve myself to being unhappy at age 30.  Sometimes the reality of life escapes us and we don’t realize exactly how bad things have become.  A big part of my decision to join CrossFit meant that I’d have to face exactly what that meant - physically, mentally and emotionally.

I‘ve had varying levels of fitness throughout my life. I’ve tried circuit workouts, hiking, jogging and biking, but I could never really stick with them. Honestly, I always felt too self-conscious to go to regular gyms, and chronic cardio is so boring I just never keep up with the routine. When Kathy Julien told me how much she loved CrossFit, it sounded interesting.  I set up some training sessions with Helene (GymMother) and started taking baby steps towards getting in shape. I even felt uncomfortable in her “seasoned” group and I could never imagine a time when I would willingly go to the regular classes.  Several months in when Gary subbed for Helene while she was out of town,  the thought of taking a class with a new trainer was completely horrifying. I was so self-conscious that I even considered not going. That seems funny to me now considering that I wake up at 6:30 am just to go to Gary’s Monday morning class.

In the beginning, because I had so much weight to lose, I didn’t see results right away. Exercising is only a small part of the process and even though I knew this, it was hard for me to implement major dietary changes.  It took me a full year of CrossFit before I changed my diet.  I initially didn’t do it to lose weight; I did it to curb the migraines I was having for sometimes five or six days at a time. In January of 2012, I decided I'd try a Paleo-like diet. At this point, I hadn't heard much about it from the gym, but my aunt had cured her migraines this way and suggested I try the same.  Of course, I hoped I would lose weight, but I wasn’t counting on it since I had tried literally every diet out there with very little success. The first three months of Paleo were pretty uneventful. Nothing was happening weight wise, but I did notice a huge reduction in the headaches. Fewer headaches alone were my motivation to continue, but I was frustrated that the scale wasn’t changing.  I told Helene what was going on and she said that my body composition was changing and that I'd see results; I just had to wait it out.

As I write this, I’ve lost about 25% of my starting body weight. In the beginning, a biking and weight related knee injury limited my ability to do squats and run.  Once I recovered from that, I thought I would work out harder and get stronger, but instead, I felt like I was getting weaker. My body fat analysis showed that my lean body mass hadn’t decreased, so I hadn’t necessarily lost muscle mass, but according to my doctor, losing fat is especially hard for the body as far as removal of toxins and the adjustment of tendons and ligaments. So for now, I’m just concentrating on getting faster and perfecting the CrossFit movements. It’s hard to see my deadlift go down, but it’s pretty sweet to be able to do double unders.

 It’s no secret that CrossFit and losing weight is a lot of hard work. So why do I stick with it? I stick with it because of how good it makes me feel, how much fun I have and because of how encouraged I feel by all of you.  I stick with it because I am so completely impressed by all the time and effort our trainers put into the whole gym experience.  And most importantly, I stick with it because I never want to go back to feeling the way that I used to.

I’ve been going to CrossFit for two years now. What started as two days per week in Helene’s private classes has turned into five days of regular classes. I’ve had to humble myself in so many ways to stay motivated. No one wants to admit that they are totally out of shape, that they can’t run, have no endurance and can only do five squats. So that’s what this is about:  facing reality and committing to changing patterns. The challenge of CrossFit makes me more compassionate and has given me a heightened awareness of the struggles everyone goes through on a daily basis. It makes me a better scholar because I know what I can accomplish is limitless. And it makes me a better person because I feel good enough about myself to approach life with a whole new attitude.  So thank you to everyone at CrossFit Santa Cruz Central for everything that you’ve done and continue to do.  If you weren’t so inspiring, non-judgmental and encouraging, I would have never made it this far.