Review: Cars

Director: Jon Lasseter and Joe Ranft
Viewed: July 2, 2008
Format: DVD - Disney (2006)

D - I don’t get this movie, and I think it’s because I don’t like NASCAR, nor am I a 3-year-old boy. I know the filmmakers want this to be a heartfelt movie about small towns vs. interstates, moving fast vs. slowing down and smelling the roses–but I don’t buy it, okay? They’re cars, right? With eyes, mouths, and apparently opposable thumbs to build modern civilization as it exists in our world. Cars that have funny voices, cars with consciences, cars that fall in love. Right.

This movie sucks on toast, and I’ve really tried to enjoy it on an artistic level, on a kid’s level, and on a general story level. Not buying it. I can do the talking Toy Story toys, the Monsters, Inc. creatures, and even Finding Nemo’s talking fish. The idea of cars with emotions just leaves me cold and irritates me at the same time. Pandering at its best. (Kids like cars! Kids like animation! Kids like fart jokes! Yes! We have a movie!)

As children’s entertainment, go for it. The kids will love the excitement of the racing scenes, the humor is juvenile at best (the presence of Larry the Cable Guy is only one more black mark against this movie), and the animation is cute and accessible to people with a 5th-grade education or lower. But parents be warned: you will be bored out of your skull, and by the end will beg for the sweet release of death. It’s no Alvin and the Chipmunks, but it’s close.

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