I Found My Doppelganger

Oh, Michael Cera. You were so awkwardly charming and cute at your failed endeavor to speak to me at that party in LA. You obviously ignored my engagement ring, and even more, the fiancee (now husband) standing next to me. Your geeky come-hither looks made you look more like you had a twitch than a twinkle. I felt so flattered that you thought I was so pretty and you would not stop staring at me. While everyone was wearing their 4″ Louboutin’s, I stood out in my Marc Jacobs loafers to you. While Zooey Deschanel and Natalie Portman looked alluring in their gowns, you thought I was ravishing in jeans, hoodie and peacoat combo, massive black scratched glasses, and disheveled hair.
Of course I know why you thought I was sublime. Is it maybe because I am the long lost twin of your girlfriend? You never told me you hooked up with my doppelganger. Every one in the world has one, and you just happen to be dating mine.

Not only do Charlyne Yi and I look uncannily similar (she is a taller, which kills because height is my ongoing fail) , in not just appearance but mannerisms as well. She has the same nettled laugh, darling cumbersome personality I have devoted to work on for 27 years. I feel like I am yet again a victim of identity theft, only this time, it’s personal. I bet she even likes video games and reading or something completely vague and common that will make me angry enough. We both look very young for our age (she is 33), and she wears ponderous old man sweaters everyone knows I always wear. I feel I like she stole my thunder. We even share the exact same ancestors. A Mexican/Filipino mother with a deceased father of Asian blood. Seriously? Forget Michael Cera, Charlyne and I are soul mates.